The Proclaimer

No More Two, But One      

We tend to think of love as something we “fall in” and “out of;” something we have no control over.  Yet, there is no clearer command found in Scripture than, “Husbands, love your wives” (Eph. 5:25).  We will understand this command when we realize the basis for the marriage relationship.  Paul says, “So men ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). 

In the marital covenant God joins the husband and wife “so that they are no more two, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:6; Gen. 2:24; Eph. 5:31).  This being so, we can see how the husband is commanded to love his wife, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Eph. 5:29).  Paul goes on to point out that “we are members of His body” (v. 30), and Christ loves His body.  Do members of the body of Christ expect there could ever be a time when Christ would no longer love them?  Certainly not!  Wives should be able to expect the same from their husbands.  One more thing.  While the joining by God is spiritual, the physical manifestation of that marital union is seen in the offspring, as the two actually become one.  We think it natural for God to command and expect husbands to love their children.  So it is with husbands who must love their wives if they want to go to heaven.

Paul says to wives, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22).  He then tells why wives should do this: “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church” (v. 23). The issue of whether wives should be in subjection to their husbands has been a controversial one in society and in many denominations.  But if you believe the Bible to be the Word of God, there can be no controversy.  I wonder if all those that teach that wives don’t have to be in subjection to their own husband are ready to teach that Christ is not the head of the church? 

Paul then defines the extent of the wife’s submission: “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (v. 24).  I wonder if all those that teach that wives don’t have to be in subjection to their own husbands are ready to teach that the church does not have to be in subjection to Christ?  The two stand or fall together, for you cannot believe one without the other.  I understand that those that object to this teaching of Paul see the role of the submissive wife as demeaning and degrading.  But the opposite is actually true, for only as the wife submits to her husband “as to the Lord” will she find true exaltation.

This is not a text on the inferiority of women to men, but rather a text dealing with the marriage relationship as God would have it.  The phrase “as to the Lord” indicates that not only is the wife to subject herself to her husband because this is the will of God, but that this submission is self-imposed.  God never forces anyone into submission.  And so, as the wife freely submits to the rule of the Lord, so does she freely subject herself to her husband, “for the husband is head of the wife” (Eph. 5:23).

But real submission is not subjugation or suppression.  The submissive wife is not reduced to a piece of property.  Nor should she have to bow and scrape before her husband, never opening her mouth or her mind, doing his bidding without question, suggestion, or input.  The husband’s headship does not authorize an arbitrary, inconsiderate dictatorial rule over his wife.  For he is to love her “as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25).  Such a sacrificial love will cause the husband not only to consider his wife’s needs, but her desires and her opinions as well.  After all, they “are no more two, but one flesh” (Matt. 19:6).                      

                                                                    -- Clark Dugger

The Proclaimer